The We, Not Meant For Me

By some chance, a miracle really, we were to dine together... my family and yours, an arrangement of courting. It was unexpected and welcomed with great anticipation. I sat on the couch, fondling your younger sister, as I awaited your arrival. Driven by those from within, they wanted other graces than what my heart and mind desired. Starting slowly with her toes... waiting for further advancements and stolen innocence. Soon you graced the doorway, with your elegance and beauty... the beasts within were silenced, as I took center stage. There you stood, dressed formally in a knee lengthened skirt, blouse, pantyhose and sensible shoes... lighting the room with a smile of acceptance. I returned the gesture for but only a moment... quickly noticing my soiled jeans, hole infested tee-shirt, bare feet and knotted, unkempt hair clawing at my waist. Your parents had accompanied you in this affair... equally fashionable, although disapproving. You had brought with you, two elaborate desserts... one was a cake with flowing, warm, chocolate fudge rising from the center, dancing it's way to the edges of the tray. I had no parents to call my own, only this dysfunctional gathering of a friend, a neighbor and a deviant uncle. Quickly, my neighbor scoffed at the deliciously moist cake... it was served in a fashion that was unfitting and improper. She proceeded to claw out the center of the cake with her soiled hands, smashing it vehemently... making it more suiting. After this display of primal behavior, I noticed the meal we had prepared for such an important occasion... a poor man's soup, of boiled meat and onions. A pair of rusty scissors had been stabbed through a pornographic magazine, securing it tightly to the cracked, wooden table before you had arrived... I desperately pawed at it, trying to remove it's offensive glare. Ribbons of flesh danced through the air... breasts and pubic hair falling like crematorium ashes. I gathered the bits and pieces, looking for a place to hide them... my only choice was the desk of a child. Once filled only with crayons, glue and coloring books... now it too, was robbed of it's purity. I fled in terror, removing myself to the restroom with sorrow and embarrassment as my only companions. Secured by no extra walls or door... it was a stained toilet at he end of the hallway, with a clear view of the street and falling leaves. It was being shared by an old man and a young child, as they wrote their names in the murky water... trading pencils as they wrote with laughter. I looked out the window, to see you walking away... with head down and your smile fading. You had been replaced in appearance, by the young girl from high school... whom sang the aria of Ariel the mermaid with absolute perfection, so many years before. Your hair, face and gestures no longer were your own... but it was you. Inside, the radiance declared it so. I would try again, to better all of the short comings... anything to get you to return to me just once more. I slide on my finest nylons and party dress... matching the myriads of colors of my full length beard. I grabbed my insulated barn coat and ran into the streets to find you... wrenching at the knots in my hair in hopes it would fall as pressed satin, as yours had always done before. You were nowhere to be seen. A woman, with jet black hair, in a white summer jumper stood instead with eyes of disgrace and judgment. Uncertain of her glances, I shoved my hair down into my dress and frantically tucked it into my nylons. I wept and I was once again all alone. I awoke in in my bed, sweating through my shorts and shirt... the sheets wrinkled and damp with fear and heartache. It was but a dream... but more so, a dream never to be within my grasp.