Releasing The Wild

Many things could be stated, but all without due certainty... the only constant is the stale, lifeless breath within. I am still alive... unfortunately. Several events have transpired over the past few weeks... while I slept in a state of denial and awe. I have kept a piece of myself locked within a cage, even though that remnant had long since decayed... the refusal to fully let the chapter close and the sun set on the bitter ending. Enough time has passed, wasted in the thoughts of reconstruction and how I could have acted differently... it is done, the carcass has begun to stink within. Today, in this hour, I am releasing you... fully and completely, releasing the wild. If I could understand or fully comprehend emotions, I would say that I am heartbroken... but then again, can a dead heart be broken? It all started with the awkward invitation, an experiment and adventure to better understand this phenomenon of "friendships". I made clear the confusion within and my inability to remain grounded in life and social understandings... it was natural for the tides to rise as the villagers ran screaming in terror. Instead of a reminder or perhaps even an acknowledgment, you preferred dismissal... a cold silence and blind eye to any ramifications. Words hold little value with the loss of translation... it's all about romance and fantasy, no black and white in this colorful tapestry. This outlook only proves that your ears and eyes were closed long before our final confrontation... I've never known love and my world, although fictional in reality, is filled with very little color. I did however, miss your company when you stopped rattling the caged iron walls... I mourned the "friendship" within the silence and distance. In the end, this will be a better place for us both... you can return home with little thought or consideration and I can set aside my cage for another time, another life. This experiment, even though it failed miserably, offered some insight and points of reflection... another chapter added, another page turned. I will always remember what I sought after and what I found... I will remember my time in and with the wild, but the time of mourning has passed. With every sunrise, I birth destruction and chaos... I am surrounded with plenty shards of glass on which to kneel, this sliver is no longer needed.



"I'm playing the game,
The one that will take me to my end.
I'm waiting for the rain,
To wash who I am..."

-Infected Mushroom, I Wish

Stale Air And Flightless Butterflies

Time has once again stood still... not for the world, but for myself. It was yesterday when we visited last... we slumbered as the world and it's chimers kept singing. During my departure, I found myself surrounded by an increasing supply of incoming traffic... the blankets were left off of the cages and those canaries adore each others music. I have mourned and wept, birthed and re-birthed, died and died again... siren songs behind the alluring eyes in photographs. Still, new memories haunt me as they scamper and borrow themselves within the others... and they all look the same. I was moved beyond words, that early autumn morning, to discover some company within this congregation of slumber... new and refreshing in both sight and scent. Alas, the time went too quickly and the builders returned to their masonry and now, nothing remains... unlike the others, these letters will go without the collection of dust. They will not stain with yellow and become torn by the creases that hid their sentiments... for those times were in here, the land of bright white and the paperless. The absence still stings and the reasoning unclear, but I ushered you out just the same. The door was closed and the tears bleed in unison, but your departure was as quick and haunting as our first meeting. I remind myself that it was an experiment, one of social understandings, but the results were all too familiar... there are lines in the playground, ones not meant to be crossed. Beyond the walls and hardened heart of confusion awaits a new destination of plenty... my sour womb of barren children. Kicking lifelessly and dropping low within me to burst forth once more with gripping hands and rotten flesh... together forever, time and time again.