It occurred to me today, that perhaps sometimes people are often confused in these things I am writing about... perhaps not the message, but the intentions or laced words. So, I wanted to take a moment tonight to make somethings very clear.
Yes, at times, I can be extremely vulgar, provocative, cruel and even violent... I am not apologizing for this, not at all. Sometimes I can be very offensive... this isn't going to change. My intentions are to illustrate a point or deliver a message... above all I am passionate, but passion doesn't mean just love and rose petals. I speak lightly at times about my severe drug abuse history, the abuse I have issued and received and sometimes in the manner in which I have disrespected women in the past. Do not be mislead here... these are painted images, not necessarily how I feel about things. For example, yes in all honesty, I am a drug addict and I always will be and quite often I abuse my medications that I have been given for my physical or mental ailments... I don't condone such behavior, it's not a good thing. But I'm not going to sit here and lie about the truth either... the truth is I was a junkie and in many ways, I still am. Yes, I treated women as sexual objects and disrespected more than a few in my life.... but this is intolerable behavior! I have the utmost respect towards women... now that I have grown out of my childish ways. Women should be treated as a gift and our second half to ourselves... not nameless conquests and slaves. As for the violence, well okay, that's a bit of an issue. I am not a violent person in actions... I don't even like to be touched by family members, so I am not about to go out and start a carnal feast. However, I do have some severe issues with violent thoughts and like anyone else, I need to control my anger so those tendencies don't have a chance to arise. Again, I am not saying it's a good thing... but it's a real part of me and I consider myself to be an honest person. So, if you are offended or have been in the past... what can I truly say? I will not say I am sorry for my words or my thoughts, but I will say I am sorry you may not have quite understood the message or my intentions, thus becoming hurt. I am not here to hurt people's feelings, but at the same time I need to be true and real about myself... this can never change. At the same time, I am not writing this message tonight to portray myself as a good person... I am not. In my eyes, I am a monster that has committed some unforgivable actions and many have suffered from the chaos I have wrought. So, if you must hate me, hate me for my actions, judge me for my crimes, but be sure you understand why you feel as such. My words are a message, to you the audience but also for myself. With clarity, comes wisdom... embrace that, and look deeper into the well.
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