What We've Become

A lot of things have occurred over the past week, non of which can be analyzed and processed. It's as if, all data flow has been halted because of you... the tears in my curtain from which I boyishly peek through have turned into a sucking void. Why did I go out on such a limb to disclose some of my most intimate of feelings? I can see now that given the inside information, all of your future actions will be judged based on secret knowledge. The paranoia will swell and the thoughts will carry me away in a whirlwind of what if's and could be's... this isn't speculation, but witnessed first hand. Twice now and soon to be once more, you will walk through those doors and the worms will start digging... how they move so quickly and dig so deep will forever seem to be a mystery. Analytically, I suppose things would have remained torturous had I not started this peep show into my world... at least there is potential for a positive change, however the clarity of this possibility is from far within view. We talked months ago when things were disclosed and I had stated out of haste, that I am glad we could talk freely and focus on repairing some of the damage done by my tainted hand... how I wish I could really feel the words of relief I displayed. Even more so, I wish I could feel those words you spoke in return... the gestures, affection and desire. This event has become a mountain of impassible design. I find myself looking upon it and wondering how I could even conceive such an attempt... my face is flickered with debris and the sands of time have become wedged in my eyes. There is no sight or comfort as I stand before this obstacle you have become... just the twisting in my gut and the scratching sensation in my eyes. Tears now flood my eyes and they begin to roll off of my cheek, but the emotion behind them is empty... why didn't you just run when you had the chance? Am I looking up at you... or are you looking down on me?