Aegrescit Medendo

The sorrow and weariness is overwhelming... swelling, consuming and enveloping my every thought and emotion. I am tired, so tired of being alone... here in this place I sit alone and watch the world and all within it together. Such strength and magnificence is displayed in their relationships. Here, surrounded by family, I am alone. Here, surrounded by warmth, I am cold. Here, surrounded by laughter, I am crying. Their words can not pierce through the walls surrounding me. I have sealed every entry for my own protection. Now left alone, in this cell, who will protect me? I have become the creature that lurks beneath the bed... ready to devour myself and steal any remaining comfort. I have become the skeleton locked away in the closet... a constant reminder of the things I loathe the most. How much remorse is required for redemption... how many apologies equate to forgiveness? In this solitude, nothing can penetrate through... no love, no light, no touch, no breath. In this solitude, nothing can escape... sorrow, loss, hatred, despair and darkness entangle and suffocate this shell of a man. The walls are too steep to climb and be free..there is no door nor place for a key. I long to feel those words once uttered for me... rather than have them labeled as a dream. With little faith and trust for another person, I locked myself away... never to feel the pain again dealt from the deceivers and takers of this world. It was for my survival, remaining sanity and protection... the walls took those precious things away, now I can see. With no one left to feel or offer comfort, peace and assurance... who will protect me, from me?