My Childhood Companion

When I was a child, one Christmas, I received a puppet from my parents. He had a velvety nose, long shiny brown ears and dark black eyes... he was a precious puppy and soon to become my best friend and nightmare. I named him Browser. No, there is nothing special about the name, just birthed from an excited child's imagination. Browser and I went everywhere together and had several wonderful adventures... life couldn't get any more perfect. Soon, Browser learned to talk and was given a personality by my mother. He was quite the trouble maker and a tad bit rebellious. My mother would talk through him for what seemed like hours... he made us all laugh, for awhile. Soon, my mother began to talk through him more and more and often said how much he loved his Grams... that was the name she had given herself. Over time, my precious friend and companion no longer wanted to spend any time with me... he wanted to spend his time with Grams reading the Bible and praying. I was often times condemned by Browser and labeled a sinner for not praying enough and that my life was to be spent burning in the pits of Hell, if I didn't mend my ways. It wasn't much longer till even more hateful words would spew from Browser's mouth and within a short amount of time it had become a daily ritual. "I hate you Daddy! Your breath stinks! You're Ugly! You're Fat! You're Stupid! You're Worthless! I'm going to slit your throat when you sleep tonight!". For several years this abuse continued, every day, several times a day. I began to hate back. It was hard enough to listen to these words coming from my once best friends mouth... I remember laughing along with them, because it was safer than crying. I wanted to return the pain unto those that had hurt me, so I began kidnapping Browser from my mother's room and hurting him. I would place him in the sink and drown him with water and then place him into the freezer. My mother would become frantic looking for him and then screaming sharply as she found him frozen. Her eyes would begin to tear up and she would scream like an injured animal. I would watch and smile... enjoying the comfort that came from her heart wrenching cries. Sometimes, I would just run into her room and grab him and swing his face violently against the counter tops... his once velvety nose shattering upon impact and flying through the air like ashes from a crematorium. Her reaction was always the same and I always found so much pleasure in tormenting her and listening to those screams, "Stop! Please, I am begging you! Please!". Even to this day, when I hear someone scream on television or a movie... my eyes glaze over and a crooked smile forms upon my face. I laugh to myself and out loud... comforted by the pain, fear and terror. Browser now lives with me and for the most part is silent. However once and awhile I pick him up and dust him off and offer him a hug and some love. He stares back at me and opens his mouth... "I hate you Daddy!". I smile at him and say, "I know Browser, I do too... I do too.".