Behind Porcelain Eyes

The information is raw, leaving me exposed in the most delicate of fashion... sitting on the toilet, with my pants and underwear wrapped loosely around my ankles, as the awaited stream spurts from my soon to be flaccid penis. It shows everything in my past... the bodies I've slept with and the ones rotting in the closet or under floorboards. You've seen my worst, the things that cripple me with anguish and disgust... but you'll need to look in deeper to find the truth. Puzzles, oh how we've grown to love them... words sticking out from under the shrubbery, awaiting you to trample over them and discover their purpose. We've lived with the face of shame for far too long... there is nothing sacred in here. We'll lay it all down before you, like a baby on a stone alter... waiting to be feasted upon and it's drinkers infused with knowledge and power of understanding. I am the sacrificial lamb, the choir is the gods that demand it, and you shall be my savior... my redemption and entrance into the next level of ascension. Perhaps then, when someone would gaze into my eyes... looking past the flesh and into my soul, seeing the truth and sickness within. Would they still welcome me into their arms and hearts... accepting it all and fully understanding where I've been? The meaning behind the cryptic words and vivid descriptions... the answer to matted hair, cotton flowers, 1013, 2003, Salem, milk and honey, and my first kiss. Could a man that was rejected from their mother's womb, in attempt to end what had begun, a man that laid with the beasts to find comfort and acceptance, a man that wrapped the twine tightly around his fists to silence the cancer within, a man that distorted innocence to become an affectionate embrace... be wanted and cherished by anyone other than those dwelling within? Could these debts be paid and forgiven... is there really a point to this all? Nonetheless, I have nothing to lose... no self respect or dignity. Pride fell long ago, from the throne of the heart... it rests now in ash, in the nest of hair, lace, and semen. Forsake me not... not for my words or deeds, nor the things not easily understood. I am here, I am alive, for better or for worse... I need this peace to swaddle my soul. I need you...