Friday, March 23, 2012
The Hunger
What drives us in those moments, the place where reasoning is replaced with insatiable hunger. The thirst for screams and bloodshed, the loss of humanity and innocence... what makes terror and heartache such workable lubrication. It's inside us, another life feasting own it's own design and purpose... lurking in the shadows of our souls, waiting for the moment of release. It takes what was once taken, bringing back within... never to be satisfied, only to be birthed again. To share the pain no words could mend, to rip another open from end to end... to gift the voice with an echo, that was once drowned in the shallow. What was mine, is now yours... soon to be mine again. But this time, this time... you'll have your own mouth to feed.
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Iam certain that there are times within you when there is kind of darkest darkness in which is unimaginable.....but in time maybe you will be able to control the hunger and learn how to protect the innocence of others even when your had been taken from you.in a way I think helping to protect innocence is almost like healing yourself...becuase your innocence was taken maybe instead of also taking innocence you would be able to help PRESERVE and protect:) Im sure it takes practice during those dark times but I believe if its redeption you seek the controling the hunger until you starve out the darkness...Im optimistic:)
ReplyDeleteDear Winona-
DeleteIt's good that you're an optimist... I however, am an avid pessimist. Don't get me wrong, at times I can see the forest for the trees and go skinny dipping with fairies... hope isn't completely lost to this soul, not yet. Controlling the hunger is something extremely difficult... it dwells inside all of us, some just buried deeper than others. It is something I've worked very hard on controlling for the past 12 years or so... I'm far from perfect, but the ability to contain myself is very much alive. In a way, it has to be... if I give in and hurt someone I don't think I could bear it. Living with more guilt and remorse would completely suffocate the last of my will to continue. As I stated somewhere recently, I've been having terrible nightmares lately... different than the usual narcotic induced visions. They are extremely violent and terribly upsetting... I wake up clinching the sheets in my mouth with my entire body soaked in sweat. The scary part is losing control... I can't, I just can't. It's not an option. I've yet to see any redemption from using restraint... I'm not so sure I should get off that easily. But nonetheless, I continue... taking each day as it comes and finding ways to release that hunger without consuming anyone, ever again. One helpful avenue, is writing about it... acknowledging it's presence and origin. Perhaps if other people can become aware it lives deep inside all of us, they too can fight that hunger.
We cannot change the past all we can do is move on from it and grow from it.........harm was done to you and you did harm to others butI think the only thing you can strive for is to forgive yourself and To no FURTHER harm in your future...always keep it in check Id rather you talk to me about it then do it....I think though that you have already come so far in overcoming the hunger that you know its just one day at a time....and when that hunger comes write it instead of acting on anything. I often have to write about my anger so I dont say things that hurt people. It always makes me feel better.
ReplyDeleteI agree completely, we as creatures have impulses... they need to be released in a safe manner. Writing has worked for me all of these years... as the readers have seen, sometimes I get a little "excited" about my "passions". Not only does writing offer a safe form of expression, but I believe it can be therapeutic... letting out the stale air, so a new, fresh breath can take it's place.
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