Moments Of Joy

I am capable of experiencing moments that consist of emotions other than sorrow and anguish. So today, I am going to talk about things that make me smile. A big part of my day to day life is distraction... I need things to keep the voices from tearing me apart. One thing that has proven extremely helpful is video games... I play a lot of video games. In fact, most of my day consists of living in a fictional world, wielding magic and slaying monsters. My therapist refers to this as "digital therapy"... no, I am fairly certain that phrase is unique and not something recognized by the mental health community. He has seen the benefit in my life, so he is okay with it... even though that is really all the interaction with the outside world I have, other than the limited amount by shopping. I also really enjoy watching movies and TV shows on DVD. Lately I have been watching the show "Lost" and playing the video game "Nier" on my xbox 360. I quickly fell in love with them both and have been really enjoying the time I spend doing those activities. I also started watching this older TV show called "Roswell"... not the best, but still enjoyable. The only real downside that I see to the video gaming is it is very easy for me to get obsessed with a game I am playing or too emotionally attached to the characters. The xbox 360 has this little thing called achievements... complete a certain task or goal and you get an achievement worth a certain amount of points. If you manage to claim all of the achievements then you get a 100% completion rating for that game. The points and ratings are pointless... other than the warm, fuzzy feeling inside for doing a job well done. It is safe to say, I am quite the "achievement whore"... I drive myself completely crazed trying to get those things sometimes... so it isn't a flawless form of therapy, but it gives me moments of peace and joy. I asked someone recently, why it is that I can get so attached to things like TV show or video game characters and stories... so emotionally involved to the point of loving them. I find it odd that I can do this, but unable to experience these emotions or feelings with real people. My only thought on it really is that these things are safe and they won't try to harm me... but people, they are the master's of self destruction.