Synchromesh

After speaking with my therapist and much thought, I decided to go ahead and give this whole "book" thing another shot. The choir isn't pleased and I am under continual scrutiny... nonetheless, the gears are spinning and in motion. I asked him to "take the gloves off" and "give it to me straight"... is this even anything someone would want to read? Does it make for an interesting story? He told me yes and that he thought not only would people love to read it, but it could also do me a lot of good in writing it all down. I was a bit confused about his answer and asked he if he was feeding some delusional, grandiose thought... again, the answer was supportive. So I decided I should ignore the cat for awhile and attempt to filter out the voices... easier said than done to be sure, but I think it might be possible for a time. This week, I will begin an outline and start sifting through the debris. The whole point behind the book is to perhaps reach out to someone that is struggling with the same illness and situation... perhaps I could be of some use after all. As for a tool to heal from the decades of abuse... I am not really all that interested. Sure, life has sucked at times... but honestly, I don't fret over the events of my life as a victim. Now it would be used as a potential tool to clear my conscience for the things I have done to others and the destruction that was birthed by my own hand... guilt has tormented me for years and I need some release from this cage. Things are looking up to be sure. On an interesting side note, I was approached by someone and asked if I would participate in an interview about the mentally ill / artist persona. Seeing how lots of the worlds greatest artists were suffering from a mental illness, they thought it might be interesting to interview me. I was shocked by the offer... more so flattered by being called an artist. After a little thought, I decided I would do it and responded via email to the unusual request. I am uncertain if it is still going to happen, because I am so extremely talented at shitting all over good things... time will tell if my ramblings have robbed me of this experience. All in all, there is a small glimmer of light up ahead... medication time, medication time.