It's been a few days, the waters were high... too high, to don my crown of ash. I would like to take a moment to thank the new readers that have joined this spectacle... the horror show of neglect, abuse, and torture. Yes indeed, I'm the main attraction and the ringer leader in this twisted version of reality... I've been both victim and the tormentor. I take no pride or joy in the things I've done... the choir might perhaps in some fashion, and I know Richard enjoys ribboned flesh. I am human, regrettably, and I am prone to making mistakes... some out of grief, some out of confusion, but all riddled with disdain and guilt. As for the viciously delicious things done to me, by the hands of friends, family, and trusted adults, I am not ashamed or frightened to speak of them... some are more intense than others, we have many ways to assault the senses. It's my hope that by sharing things about my life, in some sick way I'll deserve some measure of redemption from the hideous sins and deeds of my spirit, mind, and flesh... a pound for a pound, and a sliver for a sliver.
Things have been unusual lately, although my body is still crippled with this maddening, fucking depression, my mind has been acting out... decisions have been made without my approval and several projects have been set in motion. I alone, can not stand against the Choir and Richard, and ensure these plans go unfinished... when the body sleeps, the mind creeps, and rats will have their way. Diana has been missing for a time, I have no idea what happened and the others won't confess to her disappearance... my only hope is that she returns soon and helps aide the integrity of the walls. Stone by stone, brick by fucking brick, these inhabitants are rearranging the natural order... projects and theories, inviting advances of social dignity. Tomorrow I visit with my therapist... I will be forthcoming, as always... perhaps we can stop the gears from meshing further. If Timothy loses his leg, he'll be sent to bed without supper... no soiled linens on which to dine. I must find a way to remain on center stage... it's beyond the idea of survival.
No comments:
Post a Comment