Target's 2-Day Sale

I woke up this morning in hopes of going to Target to look at their "2-Day Sale", but sadly I never made it out of the door... actually, I didn't even make it down the hall. I was looking forward to it all week... just to browse and maybe find a new DVD or cheap video game. I still have a little money left to spare that the thief so kindly left me... but I feel guilty spending anything on myself. There are other things the money should and could be going towards. There has been a cloud hanging over me for so long that it is difficult to breathe... let alone go out into the world when I'm not forced to do so. I really don't have the energy to face the public and be pushed around by the mindless drones looking to save some blood money on their seasonal affections. Every night for the past few weeks, I have been crying for hours on end... popping pill after pill until my mind becomes so numb and by body powerless to move, then passing out. Needless to say, I wake up very late and exhausted... just to face another day of torment and another night of ritual.This is the worst time of year for me... a time of remorse. Add in the pure idiocy, greed and ungrateful people throwing around their snowball emotions of joy and love... soon the sun will rise and those false words will melt. It makes me so angry and depressed... you have the ability to feel those positive emotions, why not have some sincerity and continuity? Fucking sheep... you take so much for granted, wake up! It is easy to forget the truth... lemmings are soulless, they can't wake up. They stay asleep and spin their precious dreams like spider webs trapping the few souled beings and breaking them down... it's their program. It's hard to find comfort in the fact that I have a soul... somewhere in there, bruised, sticky and curled into a ball. What else do I have left to learn here... has my life become purely for the purpose of dharma? I just want to go home... take me home.