That's an admirable choice, AlwaysWinning. Being a good man is the most difficult thing I've ever tried to achieve. I've been sober for over 10 years now, not including my pain medication... all in an attempt at being a better man. It has been both a blessing and a curse. Though I am sober and better for it, people still view me as that junkie choking on his own vomit. I will be judged for that for the rest of my life. Being a good man is a doubled edged sword, my friend... but still the best way to live.
I'd choose to be six feet under ground; warming this hideous body & empty soul with the warmth of the earth & filling up the emptiness with the troubling of my lonesome vanishing thoughts. There would be no need of medications any longer nor any other failure at trying to shut this self off.
Right now, especially, I can completely understand your thoughts and feelings. This life, if you can call it that, grows tiring... more so with every empty and stale breath. Medications seem pointless... either they work and the side effects are so strong it just defeats the purpose or it doesn't work at all. The last medication I was on fixed the problems with Richard and the other voices, but turned me into a complete emotional wreck. I couldn't function, I couldn't breathe, I couldn't even think... all I wanted to do was die. I'm off all of the medications now and life is still so empty... I just want to end this fucking misery. The point is, I understand. My heart breaks for you, even though we don't know each other... I know the suffering and torment. I have no words of wisdom, but I do have compassion. I wish you well. I wish you peace. I wish you comfort. It will get better, my friend... it fucking has to.
If I could have anything it would be the will to be a good man.
ReplyDeleteThat's an admirable choice, AlwaysWinning. Being a good man is the most difficult thing I've ever tried to achieve. I've been sober for over 10 years now, not including my pain medication... all in an attempt at being a better man. It has been both a blessing and a curse. Though I am sober and better for it, people still view me as that junkie choking on his own vomit. I will be judged for that for the rest of my life. Being a good man is a doubled edged sword, my friend... but still the best way to live.
DeleteI'd choose to be six feet under ground; warming this hideous body & empty soul with the warmth of the earth & filling up the emptiness with the troubling of my lonesome vanishing thoughts. There would be no need of medications any longer nor any other failure at trying to shut this self off.
ReplyDeleteRight now, especially, I can completely understand your thoughts and feelings. This life, if you can call it that, grows tiring... more so with every empty and stale breath. Medications seem pointless... either they work and the side effects are so strong it just defeats the purpose or it doesn't work at all. The last medication I was on fixed the problems with Richard and the other voices, but turned me into a complete emotional wreck. I couldn't function, I couldn't breathe, I couldn't even think... all I wanted to do was die. I'm off all of the medications now and life is still so empty... I just want to end this fucking misery. The point is, I understand. My heart breaks for you, even though we don't know each other... I know the suffering and torment. I have no words of wisdom, but I do have compassion. I wish you well. I wish you peace. I wish you comfort. It will get better, my friend... it fucking has to.
Delete