Data, data, data... we need more data. No, the incessant ramblings from the choir do not count... shut the fuck up, you don't have a say in this matter! Breathe in... it's out there. The past several nights, I have laid awake wrestling over the thoughts and theories... where did I go wrong exactly? What act raised the water, swirling it up into a vomitus squall of emotion? Somethings are never so neatly answered and other times elusive. So here we find ourselves, in this silence... this deafening silence. There must be some way out of here.
Several weeks ago I made an attempt, an awkward invitation as I put it, to initiate a friendship with you... no agenda, just a meeting of the minds to someone I felt was a genuine person. You accepted and things seemed to be off to a rather good start... which surprised me because my social skills are quite inadequate. Then things just stopped. I continued to write to you a few more times and never heard back from you. At first, I thought this was due to you having a busy schedule... time moves differently for me so it is really hard to determine with any accuracy. Soon, my beloved choir began singing me the tales of woe and how I managed to ruin this friendship while the seed was still freshly planted... the soil turned sour by the plowman's hand, my hand. No need to get excited... these words fled my mind to be replaced with all sorts of things I did wrong. Now I am at a loss and in mourning. Tears swelled in my eyes late last night as I lay there wondering how, what, where, when... no answers followed. Emotions were swimming in my head... in the sea of madness. True, I don't understand emotions and I have a very difficult time recognizing the differences, but I do feel them... deep, they cut me deep. Crying over something I really didn't have... I haven't earned the title friend, things were so new. It was the idea of having a friend inside this silent world. Throughout my life, I have collected many acquaintances... people you meet at work or school. You wave and smile, add them to your social network pages, but in reality all you really have are smiling icons... a nice, neat, little collection. Friendship-honesty, loyalty, openness, hope, joy, trust, companionship... the land of milk and honey. Uncertain on what I should do, I write this open letter. Perhaps you will read it one day and know my intentions were pure. Regardless of the silence, my opinions of you haven't changed. I approached you because you seem to be a kind, thoughtful, appreciative and sincere person... one with morals, values and integrity. If only I knew what the future holds. Fearful of writing you again directly, I stand by the wayside. Left, right or down the middle... perhaps we shall cross paths once more.
"There must be some way out of here", said the Joker to the Thief.
"There's too much confusion, I can't get no relief."
"Businessmen, they drink my wine, plowmen dig my earth."
"None of them along the line know what any of it is worth."
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